I have a bit of a problem and I need your advise. People I know usually consider me to be a dirty person but in fact I am a filthy person. I know it is of a good nature to be filthy but this new urge of mine is not natural, or is it? Lately I have been thinking about animals, not animals like Viar, but especially little pigs. These thoughts are dirty and I am ashamed of myself, I already talked to Ůˇrir about this but he said that this was normal and that I shouldn't try to resist this. What am I to do Mr. Machumphry, should I follow Ůˇrirs advice and give in to my desires or restrain myself?
Well, this Ůˇrir which you have spoken to is one of the filthiest creatures around these days I dare say. He is constantly sending me questons filled with such extreme perverted filth that I cannot answer them. Therefore you shouldn┤t listen to this sick monsters advice about animal sex. But on the other hand, little pigs are indeed quite cute and therefore it isn┤t very weird that you want to make sweet love to them. The trick is you see to calm them down before the lovemaking. The easiest way and of course the most erotic is to give them marmalade to eat. When they┤ve tasted this magical jellylike sex medicine they don┤t mind their body covered with it. If you do that, the pig is yours!
Sir MacHumphry @