TALSTOD

Sir MacHumphry svarar sóðaspurningum!

Ég hef alveg hrikalegar fréttir að færa!

Sir MacHumphry, hinn þekkti og virti breski kynlífsráðgjafi liggur nú þungt haldinn á sjúkrahúsi fyrir aðalsmenn í London. Í gegnum árin hefur hann svalað bæði spennufíkn og kynhvöt sinni með svokölluðum kæfifullnægingum en það er frekar sóðaleg athöfn sem felst í því að loka fyrir súrefnisflæði til heila meðan fullnæging stendur yfir. Hann fannst nær dauða en lífi í sumarvillu sinni í Shrineville fyrir tæpri viku útataður í marmelaði og íklæddur rauðhettu búningi og er það ástæðan fyrir því að hann hefur ekki svarað spurningum hér um hríð. Ég hringdi í hann í gær og sagðist hann ætla að halda áfram að svara sóðaspurningunum um leið og heilsa hans leyfði.
MacHumphry 8:59 PM+1

Aríinn: Is it appropriate to masturbate while one is in class with many other people, both girls and boys, like my filthy friend Addi who is known as yfirsóði and giant-masturbator has done rapidly during this last year of mine in the Commercial College of Iceland? It would by different if there were not any boys in the classroom because the girls like it, I think, but I find it disgraceful and with this vulgar behaviour he has stepped on my innocent soul.

Well my dear boy. When I was a young lad I had a small problem. In the classes of the very expensive private school my parents sent me to I masturbated alot. Nobody noticed it but when I got an orgasm I started crying. I was ashamed of myself. I knew I had done something naughty and immoral. Therefore if your friend Addi likes marmalade and knows he has behaved disobediently I think he´s quite normal.

MacHumphry 5:43 PM+1

Handsome Hawk: Do you like farting in the bathtub sir MacHumphry?

Why are you asking me this silly question? I´m a respectable British sex advicer and a nobleman may I add. This is absurd and I think it´s very childish indeed. Actually I enjoy trying to catch the fart bubbles with my mouth. It is a very difficult thing to do but when I succeed I reward myself with a biscuit with marmlade.

MacHumphry 5:43 PM+1

Aríinn: Is it normal to masturbate while taking a dump?

I´ve heard about this sort of pervertism before. The icelandic verb for it is to "krunka ser" or something like that. I personally think that this is filthy because I´m a gentleman. I prefer tea and biscuits you see. My advice to you dear boy is to stop this nonsense.

MacHumphry 5:42 PM+1

Bodyforlife boy: Do you masturbate alot sir MacHumphry?

Arrogance like this will not be tolerated on this website. I´m a respectable British gentleman and therefor I´m easaly offended by rudeness of this nature. I´ve talked to mister Gudmundsson and he´s considering to forbid you to visit his website. Of course I masturbate alot!

MacHumphry 5:42 PM+1

Strumpurinn: Is it alright to masturbate over a picture of ones grandmother?

Well my dear lad old chap mister Strumpurinn. It depends on your grandmother. For example, does she like marmelade with her cup of tea? Is her body marvelous and does she have a small dog she enjoyes taking short walks in the park? I know mine did, and therefore I didn´t feel guilty after thinking dirty thoughts about her.
MacHumphry 4:59 PM+1